On average, I get to meet two to three new guys every two weeks. I get to know them from various dating applications available, but most of them are from referrals of a friend or colleague. There are those who get to live up with my interests and activities in life. There are those, too, who are my total opposite. I don’t mind meeting a guy who hates my school for nothing, nor anyone who likes me because I like reading books. In fact, I really don’t expect that much from anyone of them. That isn’t the catch because I think the problem is not with them but with me.
I easily get tired of people, especially meeting new ones. Seriously.
There are times when I suddenly wouldn’t reply to this guy because I’m either busy at work or I’m busy finding something uninteresting about him. There were lots of times when I would cancel a date last minute just because I wanted to go home and play my online computer games instead. I think I easily lose interest to a guy not because I don’t like him but because I am tired.
I am tired of going out and spending a hundred or two for a nonsensical movie. I am tired of drinking a frappe and impressing each other with our achievemens and milestones in life. I am tired of hearing lame jokes just for them to tell me how beautiful it is to see me smile. I am tired of selling myself to others just to impress them and not me. I am tired of meeting guys who wouldn’t even ask me if I wanted to be there and not elsewhere. I am tired of meeting somebody who introduces himself as this when in reality he isn’t. I’m tired of being nice to everyone. I’m tired of them all.
What about it? I mean, I know it’s not just me who get to feel this way. So, as answer to this, I started assessing things and revamped my routines. As cliché as it sounds, I really had to review my routines to get things going. Nothing excites me more than a box of pizza and a bottle of a cold beer.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy socializing with others, but it’s because I don’t think I get the essence of doing and giving more for others when you know within you that you’re empty. How can you give something to someone if you know you’re nothing but an empty human being?
Instead of meeting up with guys, I’d rather come to work and wouldn’t even mind working for y days a week. In that way, I get to meet my expactations and goals at work. Instead of going out on a date, I’d rather go out with my friends and have a drink or two and talk about places we’d love to visit soon. Instead of chatting on anyone from the dating apps, I’d rather have a good chat with my family more to catch up and plan our next holiday trip. Instead of devoting my time impressing others, I’d rather learn a new language or finish reading the books from my overdue reading lists. Instead of dressing up for a date, I’d rather dress up for work and for Sunday church service.
I don’t think I’m being a pain in the ass for anyone but I believe they really need a time to get to know me better. I want to settle where I know I can be comfortable. This time, I want to be in the moment wherein I am successful in my career and personal life and not dependent from others about it. I want to be one of the best in what I do in life. I want to travel to places I’ve never been to. I want to go far from here. I want to learn new languages and fluently use it. I want to become a better person for myself.
Happiness starts within you, and it doesn’t need to depend on others. If you want to impress others, you should start impressing yourself first. You can demand only if you deserve to. You can never ask for too much. If you cannot, in any way, be at par with them, then you need to work your way up there; hence there is no other way but up. +++