closing chapters

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It wasn’t my feet that I buried in the sand but my feelings. The glistening sea water washed away the hurting. The humid breeze carried all my last thoughts about you and cleared my mind. The waves weren’t high but it was strong enough to push me back, which reminds me of my love for you – it wasn’t something others would notice at a first glance but it was strong enough to keep me coming back to you. The marvelous sunset filled my heart with so much joy and hope. I didn’t know anyone around that’s why crying was too easy for me.

The first thing that came to my mind was to share to you lots of things: how my day went, a photo of the beautiful beach, my getaway experience and what I’ve noticed so far, my plans for the week and invite you over for a dinner… but I know it wouldn’t make much of a difference now so I resisted doing so. Knowing you, I know you’d say and insist that it’s fine if I talk to you but I also know that the dynamics have already changed it wouldn’t be the same as before.

It was not my intention to leave. In my mind, I knew that it was okay to hold on; that I recognise I was in this phase where things wouldn’t be easy. I was mentally ready for the chaos but my emotions were too fragile to handle the situation. I was not able to see things through as I would normally do. My heart was not strong enough and my spirit was shaken. I’m sorry. I was in a sinking ship and I have no other option but to save myself.

When one chapter closes, another one begins right after. The reality is it will never be an easy read and we may not like everything about what we’re reading now. For sure, we will keep coming back to our favourite parts and that’s okay for that’s where we’ll draw inspiration from. Our journey will continue and we should not be afraid about the next parts because we’re all destined for something great; something magical and surreal. It might not be now but I am sure it will happen.