Quarantine Series: Thoughts on how to connect to friends who are experiencing depression

Reminding you how beautiful the moon looks like.

I know everyone has plans once we’re done with this quarantine. Seeing some of my acquaintances create their own to-do (and to-go-to) lists is uplifting. It gives me an optimistic feeling about what lies ahead of us. I took inspiration from that gesture and so a few weeks ago, I wrote about my plans and what I have in mind once this situation is over and briefly talked about what my current situation is at home. We have every right to stay forward-looking and to keep a positive mindset about our future as a community. But it seemed like I was trying to forget about the ‘now’.

For weeks, despite having consciousness about what’s going on around us, I remained silent. My level of apathy was too much that I didn’t want to take part in any unnecessary debate, even if it concerns the right of anyone out there. My mind kept telling me to avoid everything that does not spark joy (borrowing this line from Marie Kondo!) and I have un-followed every news outlet on social media. I didn’t want this to be my norm. I did not obtain a degree in Development Studies to remain apathetic.

I did lots of introspection. I wrote everything down in my journal. I just couldn’t find the right words to share what’s on my mind. I was lost for words to explain things. However, despite constant denial in my head, I recognized there’s a level of sadness that I feel and these depressive episodes were brought about the prolonged limited human interaction over the last 2 months.

The truth is I find it awkward to talk about my feelings, most especially if I were to tell it to those people that are close to me. My fear is not being able to clearly express myself and end up getting judged. It’s not because I don’t want to open but it’s more of the lack of ability to properly communicate things that hinders me to strike a conversation with anyone. I also know that not a lot of people are trained to easily connect when someone’s experiencing depression. That’s why instead of starting an odd conversation with anyone, I end up writing things down, hence the reason I always resort to publishing blog entries every now and then.

Some people might ask “Why you got to be so depressed?”

Well, I don’t know either.

When you have already accepted sadness as your default feeling, you end up not doing anything about your episodes. For others, they think that’s weird because we should be happy most of the time but if you would understand where somebody is coming from, it’s actually not a bad thing to recognise that it’s okay to be sad most of the time.

To help us manage and get through the global pandemic situation, my company has put together a series of webinars we can all join in. Over the next few weeks, I will be publishing a series of blog entries to share more about my learning and Aha! moments.

Here are some of the amazing things I learned when dealing with depression amidst isolation due to quarantine:

Let them be heard, never forget to ask

If you’re experiencing depressive episodes and would like to let out some of your thoughts, please consider what the receiving end would feel. Consciously ask about their bandwidth to listen before you share anything. In that way, you find a common ground and adjust to each other’s level of emotions.

On the other hand, if your friend, who’s experiencing depression, would like to share what’s on their mind, and if your hands aren’t too tied up, please make time to listen. The simple yet powerful act of listening, even without offering any advice, helps reduce what we feel. By giving affirmation that you are listening to what they are saying makes them feel valued.

The greatest lesson I picked up during the webinars I’ve attended was breaking the bad habit of listening to respond. Instead of listening simply to respond or retaliate back, we have to listen to understand. Communication is a two-way street and it’s not enough that we listen to what they’re saying. We have to understand what they’re telling us and remain engaged.

We don’t want to shame ourselves when someone asks questions about what they’re saying and we wouldn’t be able to respond back because our mind is somewhere else, do we?

We cannot “just get over it” and that’s okay

It’s easier said than done. If we’re going to have it our way, we could’ve eliminated depression a long time ago. If ice cream could cure this depression away, I would’ve consumed more than what my body could hold but it doesn’t work that way.

Remember that we do not need any saving. It’s not your duty and it will never be anybody’s responsibility to fix anyone. Refrain from pressuring someone to feel normal. When someone’s having their episodes, we have to eliminate the feeling of disappointment simply because they cannot be normal.

Moreover, un-learning the idea that being sad and being OK cannot co-exist is difficult but it must be done. We were taught that when we experience sadness there must be something wrong about us. In reality, it’s healthy and natural to accept that it happens even to the best of us.

The best move you can do is to remind yourself, whether you experience depression or you’re helping out someone, that it will not last forever.

Connect wisely

The easiest way you can earn somebody’s trust is by establishing clear boundaries about how much you can help someone. When you give an idea about what you’re planning to do and when you outright ask for their consent in advance, you are empowering them by building confidence with you and giving them a sense of control so they wouldn’t overreact.

For example, instead of vaguely saying “you can reach out to me anytime,” you can say that they can reach out to you anytime through call or text but it might take a while for you to respond back. Instead of assuming that it’s okay to instantly call someone to check on them, why not message them ahead of time and remain sharp about your plans: “Hey, I want to check in with you. Do you think to call you every day is okay? If not, we can text every day and get on the phone sometime later in the week?”

Never take things personally

Here’s the thing: you can offer your advice as long as it’s solicited. Avoid the habit of taking the spotlight away when somebody is sharing something because you want to inject your idea. We have to recognise that there is no definite way of dealing with depression. What has worked for someone else may not be applicable to another person.

Please do not get discouraged to help when someone turns down your advice.

This home quarantine is not easy and I’m celebrating each day I’m able to pull myself out of my bed. During our work last week, my colleagues and I had an information-sharing session on how we’re coping up with this. After learning about everybody’s unique way of coping up, I felt insecure because I had nothing extraordinary to share. I said that acceptance was my coping mechanism – I go on with my day, do my very best at work, and accept that things won’t get any better soon. I thought they were expecting something out of the ordinary but really, there’s nothing special with the way I handle this. They were encouraging me to start a new hobby. They even shared some amazing movie titles and series to watch. Some of them introduced some new books to read. But I told them I’m fine and I’m glad they respect my take on this.

My learnings aren’t a one-stop-shop and should not be taken as the only. I’m sure many of you have more amazing things to share about this topic. These points are based on my principle of inclusion: each one of us has a voice and it’s meant to be heard; that all of us are connected in one way or another and we should never leave anyone.

When we talk to someone experiencing depression, we have to speak to that person like they were OK. Talk to them as if your life depended on them. Converse with them without hesitation. Keep in mind that their life is as vibrant, important, and amazing as yours. If you do that, you might just empower someone without you even realizing you did that.

I Was Catfished And Here’s My Story

Warning: the post is explicit and may cause anxiety attacks

Catfishing, to those of you who are not familiar with it, happens when someone creates an online identity (or identities, to some extent) to trick someone into an emotional relationship.

Unlike others who fell in love with someone using a fake online identity, my story was different. I was not tricked. I was not scammed. I did not meet the culprit and thankfully, nothing serious happened to me but I was greatly traumatized by this incident in 2018.

This entry wouldn’t have materialized without the issue of Jzan Tero with Sam Morales on Twitter. Whilst reading the entire thread, I couldn’t help but recall how distressing my experience was. The trauma was too much to handle that I haven’t had the chance to tell this one to my close friends. But now that I have mustered enough courage to do it, I’m sharing my story with the world.

2018 wasn’t exactly the best year for me. At that time, my grandfather just died due to a heart complication, I’ve had issues with my health, and work-related tasks were getting out of hand because of multiple ongoing projects.

I used gay dating/messaging apps sparingly during those times because admittedly, I simply don’t have the luxury of time to do it. But one day, this person (see photo below) messaged one of my colleagues at work through the Grindr app.

My colleague reached out to me on our internal messaging platform and said that my boyfriend is waiting for me downstairs, at the building lobby. I felt weird about it because I told him that I do not have a boyfriend and have been single since late of 2017. The person kept insisting to my colleague that he’s waiting downstairs to meet me. I had to open my Grindr app and see for myself. I really don’t have any idea what’s going on – am I being pranked by another friend of mine? If yes, then this prank is definitely not a nice prank at all.

As soon as I opened the Grindr app, I got a message from this “FUNtastic” person, and here’s a translation of what happened (for my non-Filipino readers):

  • FUNtastic (F): Hi bb
  • Me (M): ?
  • F: Miss u bb. I waited for you last night. I was talking to your office mate
  • M: Huh?
  • F: Yes
  • M: Who are you? I neither know you nor I remember you
  • F: Don’t you love me anymore? After everything, you became like that. You even denied me to your friend.
  • M: I don’t really know you, okay? I will report you to the building admin if you don’t stop. I don’t even have a partner.

The person didn’t stop there and went on by revealing some details about me (fyi, this information is available on my LinkedIn and Facebook before I turned my account private):

  • F: Why will you report me? Don’t you want to admit that I became your partner?
  • M: When did we become a couple, assuming that we did? And what is my full name and what are my details that you know?
  • F: Do you want me to tell it one by one?
  • M: Go. I dare you.
  • F: Your course was Development Studies at De La Salle (University). You already worked for many BPO companies. Your dad is a seaman (seafarer). You went to St. Mary’s for high school. You became an exchange student at Chulalongkorn (University). Your brother just graduated from ICS (Immaculate Conception Seminary).
  • M: Of course, you’d easily know those things through my social media account. Again, when did you become my partner? I don’t remember meeting you ever at all.
  • F: You don’t trust me at all, do you? Do you have a monthly period now?
  • M: Again, when did you become my partner? I know I had one last time and I’m sure that was not you.
  • F: After you tasted me? Of course, you only had one partner last time because you didn’t have two. Haha. I will go there to pick you up.
  • M: Again, when you become my partner? I need (the) exact dates. Also, if you were my partner, how come you don’t have my number? All of my partners have my mobile numbers.

I thought he’d finally stop because he didn’t reply for a couple of minutes. I have already sent a report to the building admin and to the security team about the incident before going home. That night, since I was working following the U.K. time, I usually get out of work around 12AM, I actually couldn’t get home by myself. I was scared that someone might just show up and harass me. I had to call my family for help and asked them to fetch from the office.

The next day, this freak messaged me again and started harassing me more. He said he’ll send a photo of me having sex with him to my mum. I didn’t flinch and dared him to do it because I’m confident that I don’t ever let anyone take a photo of me whilst having sex:

  • F: That’s why it will go loose (he’s talking about why my ass would be loose by now)
  • M: Oh, why don’t you answer my questions? Ah, right! It’s because it’s not true. Haha. You’re busted, sir. Also, I’m not a bottom. Son of a bitch.
  • F: You’re a son of a bitch, too! Haha. Let’s have sex again?
  • M: You’re trying to trick me, you son of a bitch? I have your picture with me. My colleague sent it to me. Don’t you ever come near me because I have already reported you to the authorities! And for once, I don’t do casual sex with just anybody. Look for others whom you can fool.
  • F: They cannot stop me. I will go there. No? You’ve already tasted me, haven’t you?
  • M: If we got together, send a photo that we are together. Son of a bitch! Don’t you ever fool me, you’re just wasting time.
  • F: I’ll send a photo whilst you’re sucking my dick? You keep cursing – that’s bad. Shall I send it? The one where you ate my cum?
  • M: Send it. Go. But you don’t have a decent picture of us being together. Too bad! You’re busted, sir. I blew up your cover and discovered you’re fake.
  • F: Shall I send it to Tita Sally (my mum)?
  • M: Go, send it. I can even go with you!
  • F: You’re crazy! Why are you mad? I already went to your office to pick you up last night?
  • M: Are you nuts? Why would you even pick me up, I don’t even know you in the first place? Who are you? I don’t even know your name. You can’t even say when exactly we got together, and yet you keep saying you are my boyfriend? Are you crazy?
  • F: Yes – crazy for you! Why do you keep cursing? Your mouth needs some cleaning! I’m already here (saying that he’s at the office lobby once again)

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The following day, he still messaged me through the app – “Hi bb (gesturing something about fucking in the ass)”, “Afternoon bb”, “Bb miss your asshole”, “Blow me bb, I’ll pick you up…” but I didn’t engage with the person anymore after filing a police report.

Thankfully, my work setup allowed us to be agile and flexible and so my manager encouraged me to start working from home after the first two incidents. Honestly, I wanted to “block” the account from messaging me but the police officer advised me to keep the account open and active so there will be enough evidence if anything happens to me. After a few days, the account just died and the person didn’t bother me. I’m relieved that the incident didn’t continue for days (or weeks), or else I don’t know where I’d find myself anymore.

My family thought it’s one of my ex-boyfriends in the past but I actually don’t have any bad blood against them and we’re in good terms; civil, at the very least. I don’t know who in their right minds would dare do this but I have an idea about who it could be but I’m not dropping names without enough evidence on my hands. I’m also sure that the photo they used for this wasn’t theirs (see photo below) and I feel bad about whoever owns this picture.

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This tremendously affected how I was performing at work. I didn’t want to touch my phone. I didn’t want to interact with anyone for days. You know, I never thought I’d report back to the office anymore because of the fear that somebody might just show up and do something nasty to me.

On a personal side of things, it also affected how I connect with people. My dating life got skewed because I had trust issues with everyone. For a couple of months, I didn’t want to meet anyone from the online world. I had to deactivate my social networks for weeks. My friends didn’t know what was going on because I didn’t want to come forward and tell them – I was too afraid, in shock – and I felt sorry about it.

This could happen to anyone out there, regardless of their orientation, background, affiliations… and it can cause a lot of distress to anyone. For those of you who easily overcame a similar situation, good for you! But to those who have to go through and are going through a difficult time processing things, please know that we’re here to help you and we understand where you are coming from.

With that, let me end it here by mentioning some of my key takeaways:

  • Whilst it’s okay to engage with people you meet online, you have to make sure that you’re talking to a real person. About how you’d find out about that, I’m not so sure, but always give a second (and third, and fourth…) thought if somebody looks and feels too good to be true.
  • When interacting with someone, never ever over share about you or about your family, especially when you just started talking to each other. This can be very difficult to control because you’re torn between opening up to this person you want to engage with and keeping yourself some privacy on the side. You have your judgment – you have to own it and use it wisely.
  • I urge you to check what’s posted and written on your social media accounts. Ensure that you’re not sharing too much important information publicly, such as your location, birthday. Trust me, it’s not going to be worth it.
  • Always have your emergency contacts ready. May it be your family, friends, significant other… you have to make sure you have easy access to their contact information if anything bad happens to you.

(2020 v.2) What I have in mind once this is over!

To brighter days ahead! – here’s a photo of what the sunrise looked like last Saturday morning, 18 April 2020 at 06:03 AM (GMT+8)

 

Oh, girl!

I don’t usually complain about staying indoors because I’ve always been built for it. However, cabin fever is really creeping in with the limited human interaction I’ve got. We simply don’t have any choice this time. We cannot go out as we wish to and we have to stay inside our houses to avoid contracting COVID-19. It’s the best that we could do to follow the government’s orders and to remain healthy during these trying times.

Our prayers and thoughts go for all of our front liners – healthcare professionals, law enforcers, people working at the groceries and food outlets, the maintenance folks that keep our surroundings clean and orderly… you’re our heroes! Thanks for everything that you do and now, more than ever, we will all get through this!

With that, I would like to encourage everyone who has some more resources to spare to continuously give and help amidst the pandemic. Your donations, regardless of how big or small it may be, will create an impact. Whether you donate for Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) of our front liners or spare some cash and in-kind goods to feed our community, it can go a long way.

But what comes next after this?

I don’t know, really, but hey! I don’t want to get stuck thinking about what I cannot do. I want to focus on what I will do. This entry was inspired by Victoria’s post (she’s an awesome writer, please follow her!) and now that I have some time in my hands, here’s what’s on my list:

Adapting a new work set up

I don’t see any problem with my work set up now. I’m extremely thankful that I work for a company that allows us to be agile; that we’re not seen as a mere seat-warmers. And so, once the situation is finally over, I’m thinking about the potential of limiting the days I’ll be reporting to the office and simply work from home. I also hope that work-from-home folks now and their companies realise this and the potential to minimise, if not solve, the Metro Manila traffic.

Travel, travel, and travel!

I have not traveled this year. My cousins and I were supposed to head out-of-town for our beach outing but it went down the drain because of the quarantine and lockdown situation in the Luzon island. Here’s what I have on my list:

  • Assuming that the quarantine won’t get extended, a visit to Baguio with my partner this May for his birthday;
  • Assuming the COVID-19 situation gets better, I want to celebrate my birthday out-of-town this June;
  • Rescheduled beach trip from April to August;
  • Assuming the COVID-19 situation gets better, I will head to Japan for a week this September

The rest of the days in between, I’ll make sure to dedicate some time for my long, out-of-town drives. I honestly miss driving and I can’t remember the last time I used my car!

Have some (amazing) food

Whilst I’m lucky that everything we need is right within our reach, I still crave for some good food outside. I know, this will sound whiny, but dining in a restaurant (or even getting some take-away food) has been part of my routine and I cannot even do that not simply because we’re not allowed to leave the village anymore. I’m craving for some good Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese food… you know, anything Asian. But my first order of business is to get either a McDonald’s or Burger King fix!

Continue my passion projects

For a long time, I’ve said a lot of excuses to start my passion projects. This time, since I was able to start with some of it, I’ll make sure to continue doing it even when things lighten up. It doesn’t help at all when you have to worry about deliverables for work, about the global pandemic situation that’s getting worse day after day, and the incompetency of our government. Now that I’m getting the rhythm, aside from using more of my camera, I will slowly but surely start reading books again and make sure to hit my target number of books to read for this year. Moreover, I’m revisiting all of my notes from my language classes and will hit the ground running once I have sorted out my schedule, too.

Meet people and tell them how much I missed them

Aside from dedicating more time for myself, I want to make sure I meet some important people in my life. I realised that whilst messaging them and having a video chat with them is important these days, it cannot replace the warmth you feel when you see them in person. Even if I rarely say what I have in mind, I will like to take time to meet each one of them, thank them for holding on and keeping it together.

I miss my dad so much. He couldn’t fly back here in the Philippines because of the lockdown. He’s still working abroad but was supposed to be with us this April.

I miss seeing my cousins, aunties, uncles and my grandma, and by the next time we meet, I’ll make sure to let them know how much I missed them and that they’ve always been on my mind.

I would like to meet my friends once again and say how much I missed them. As a huge fan of hugging, I would like to hug them but that’s not what social (and physical) distancing meant – see the change in the mindset of people? It has started!

What other interesting things do you have in mind that you’ll do after this quarantine? I’m sure most of you have already planned how they’ll spend their time once this is finally over. To everyone who needs help and is fighting to survive, please know that you can reach out to us and to anyone who can offer help. We’re here for you and we’re all in this together! xx

Travel Notes: 1 November 2018

Cainta, Rizal, Philippines

On this day, when we remember what a great man my grandfather was, I’ve had the chance to be with my cousins, aunts and grandma. Finally, our busy schedules have aligned today, and as a bonus: I was able to speak to my dad on the phone albeit short. He’s travelling to France as of writing. I’m wondering what Tatay has been doing up there and whether he’s proud of what I’ve become today. I mean, who knows? X

Travel Notes: 26 October 2018

Pasay City, Philippines

The sun is setting

And you’re right here by my side

And the movie’s playing

But we won’t be watching tonight

I have no words to describe this week, but let me tell you than I am happy. I don’t think I am in the position to complain about anything, even though I feel empty; consciously know that there is something lacking in me. I am tired—beyond exhausted—but happy and content. To remind you how beautiful life could be, here are some photos I took on our way to the City of Dreams Manila in Pasay City for the #PFIP2018 5th Gala Night.

Have a good weekend, people! x

[Week 8] What’s New?

One thing I like about 2017 is that it keeps on challenging me. Professionally, I have been tested on how I handle pressure at work. Personally, I have been challenged to increase my threshold and not allowing my emotions to get best of me. It’s only been 8 weeks since this year started and a lot has happened and changed already. I can’t wait to discover more things that 2017 has to offer to me!

Last January, we successfully launched a new campaign and we brought back our Blowout Party for our new Teammates. Spearheaded by one of our recruiters, Kyle, our Blowout Party was one of a kind, filled with exciting activities and good food. It was a first for this year and we will definitely do more moving forward. I can’t wait to meet our new Teammates soon and deliver a ridiculously good Blowout Party for them.

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After 11 years, my best friend and I had the chance to meet again! She and her family moved to the US circa 2006. Even though she would come back here in the Philippines from time to time, we never had the chance to meet. I am happy that I was able to see her, to hug her, and to tell her all of my stories. One day was not enough for us to do our catching up but knowing and seeing her again would be one of the best gifts that this year has given me.

In the hopes of living a healthier lifestyle and looking better than ever, here are some of my recent selfie. I am back at sporting a short hair and removing my facial hair every other day. A lot of people have been telling me to try to look cleaner. At first, I didn’t know what they wanted to say until I realized that I look differently without my messy hair and thick goatee and beard. Also, I’ve been jogging these past days. I promised myself to eat healthier and so to reinforce that one, I needed to exercise. The inter-site sports cup will happen this summer and I should be ready by then. We aim to win and in order to win, we all must be fit to play. I started mine and I will definitely continue this!

Just recently, TaskUs has been tapped as one of the major sponsors for Paragala: Central Luzon Media Awards and we were able to witness the best and the brightest stars in the media industry. I was able to meet a lot relevant people in the business and so our network here in Pampanga and the whole Central Luzon widened. I am thrilled and honoured that our ridiculously good company has been recognized and made a lot of noise before, during, and after the event.

Here are sine of my goals for the coming days/weeks:

  • Increase our candidate foot fall, thus close out the big ramps and classes this coming March and April.
  • Continue jogging and exercising everyday.
  • Increase engagement activities and initiatives for candidates and employees.
  • Watch move TV series and movies.
  • Save for my Cebu trip this June and our Japan trip this October.
  • Finish another book.
  • Research things and possibilities of getting to either Law school or Master’s Degree program in the future.
  • Find ways to not get bored at work.
  • Fall in love soon. Not that it’s a priority, but I want to keep this as an open option.

No words can explain how much I love how things are going my way and my pace. Nothing is going either too slow or too fast. I feel like I am on track in life not only because I know what I am doing, but also I feel good because of the people that surround me. This is the first time I can say that I enjoy everything that’s been happening. This would be the only chance I would say that I feel like I am growing. Here’s to more winning moments! +++++

I deserve nothing (but the best!)

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Poolside at Bakasyunan Resort in Tanay, Rizal.

People say, we can always choose anything and that we are all entitled to options; we can choose to pursue what we want to do and forget those things which make life harder than it is already. As you go along in life, you’ll realize that there will come a time when you cannot choose anything. There are things which does not go along our way, and that’s just fine.

When I started with my new work months back and moved to a placed where I don’t speak the language and didn’t know anyone at all, I didn’t choose the people I work with. I didn’t know who they were. I didn’t know where they were from and what were their aspirations in life. I didn’t choose the place that I’ll be working with. I didn’t choose anything except to bring my presence onsite. What sets this group apart from the rest that I worked with is the fact that we didn’t choose to have one goal professionally. We didn’t decide to work together and discover great talents around the area and get them join our #RidiculouslyGood office. It just happened.

Things happen for a reason, and we sometimes don’t know what that reason is.

I didn’t choose to be with them not because I didn’t have any choice at all. I chose to stay and nurture what limited resources we had that time. We accidentally built a strong foundation―something so strong that it transcends from being mere colleagues to being friends even outside of the office. Who we are right now is a result of who we didn’t choose to be. We let time work in our favour and we allowed ourselves to be molded. No, we aren’t robots because we have EQ. We just didn’t force anything, and so everything fell to its rightful places. We didn’t have a choice but to wait while letting things happen with the limited time, pool, and resources that we had.

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Photo op with Rob, our Country Manager. I just wonder, what is he looking at up there? LOL!

I firmly believe that when you don’t have a choice in life, just work with what you have right now. You cannot simply look for something which you do not have. You cannot give anything you don’t have to anyone. This was evident back when our site was still starting.

It hit me hard because during the last part of our Team Building, Yancy, our site’s Recruitment Manager, cried right in front of everyone. He cried not because he was sad but because he was so grateful of such amazing people that he has (that includes me yay!) From putting up with his quirky, perky personality, to beating and meeting the ramp even though it was raised last minute by the clients, he thanked us and he said he couldn’t have done that without us contributing towards the goal.

Did he choose to have limited resources onsite? Did he choose to leave the challenge and take two steps back? Did he say it would be an easy path? Did he choose to do things all by himself?

No.

He didn’t choose anything but to build a strong team (#PampangaStrong) and work their way up. We had many moments, thankfully those were winning moments, when the team showcased its capacity and points of improvements. We are like WIP (work in progress) inside a laboratory, ready to get experimented with but does not fear innovation. These challenges do not come our way to destroy us. These challenges help us develop our identity. We are defined by our struggles, wins, gains, and losses.

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“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight and no vision.”

I believe one of the most important learning I’ve got from this weekend’s Sourcing and Recruitment Team Building is to keep accepting challenge. You can never claim victory if you didn’t work hard to achieve that win. What Yancy and our experience onsite taught me is that these challenges and shortcomings only make us better. If we fail, then we just have to get back and up and start over again. We cannot fear failures. Instead, failures should fear us and our capabilities when we work strongly as one team.

We are born warriors, ready to survive and thrive in this life. We are capable of doing things creatively. If we could just continuously dream and let the flame inside us alive and burning, then there’s nothing to worry about. Just like what Carmela would say, as long as nobody died then we can still fix anything. At the end of the day, all of our hard works and efforts will not be put to waste. Why? This is because we all deserve nothing but the best in life out there! +++++

 

The Day I Quit You Was The Day I Started Loving Myself

 

Photo taken at Nathan Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, Hong Kong, on a busy Tuesday afternoon.


I’m in a limbo
. I couldn’t say that I have moved on already but I know that the hurting is not there anymore at least. I don’t know why, but maybe I’ve moved on even before we broke up. I saw it coming. I had to be ready.

I remember when you talked to me once sometime around last week and found out that I was having a crush on somebody, you got upset and jealous. I didn’t understand why you were like that but I knew to myself that I was not making any form of revenge against you. But, did you realize that when you told me you had a crush on him I didn’t even flinch at all? Did you not think I got hurt? Did you not feel that I was upset but I was just not showing it to you? That day, I realized that I had to quit you.

You were my opium because you kept me high all the time that I didn’t even feel that I was hurting. You were the drugs you knew that I couldn’t quit before. You were the rapist because you used your charm to abuse me and my existence. You were the storm that kept raining on my parade. You were the excess baggage that I had to carry every now and then. You were once the alpha, but never was – and never will be – the omega.

Today, I’m planning my next adventure and I am so glad that you are not even part of it anymore. Moreover, it was really a tough decision to leave the group and to cut ties with you, even when you were offering friendship and peace to me, but this has to be done. It’s not about bitterness but finding a good way on how I could pick myself up again.

Then, you told me that you two were finally together but in a not so smooth sailing though. I was not hurt that I found out about the two of you. Why? I knew and learnt the hardest way possible – that getting sad about something that has been broken before is absurd.

Today I had to quit you to find myself that I lost 2 years ago for you. This time, I am ready to find a new love; to start a new chapter of my life; to settle down for good; to leave those lingering memories behind. Today, I had to quit you to make room for new learning for myself. Today, I had to quit you to give myself some breather and happiness. Your presence once shackled, suffocated me and I deserve nothing about you. You were once my sweetest downfall, but never again. +++